Aside from keeping up with the demands of numerous school requirements and extra-curricular activities, passing (not even acing anymore) every academic exam, and balancing social life, one thing that stresses us college students is the mere thought of our future. College is a relevant stepping stone into the career direction we want to pursue, a stepping stone into our future. We are pressured to become successful in our respective fields, to meet the expectations of our parents and loved ones, and to keep up with the competition in our workplace. It's nice to see and hear people you know excelling in what they do, getting great opportunities, and necessary exposure. But doesn't it make you think, what if you're not as lucky? What if you're not good enough? What if you turn out to be a failure?
What if I'm not as lucky? What if I'm not good enough? What if I turn out to be a failure? These are the questions I can't help but ponder on. Sure, I was satisfied with my high school performance - achieving honors and winning awards, but College is different. It was like a slap in the face that I'm not the brightest out there, especially in my field.
I remember filling out college application forms and getting stuck whenever asked about which course I wish to take. I guess I'm one of those who hadn't figured out yet what I'd like to be when I grow up (is there a course you take to be the best housewife?). I had choices I was interested in, yet had equally contradicting reasons why I shouldn't take it:
1) Medicine - my childhood dream was to be a pediatrician. If only I'm good at memorizing and studying for years, and only if I'm not a weakling at the sight of blood, suffering, and the like. Plus, science isn't also my strongest subject.
2) Business - I love math and I want to have my own business one day. But I want marketing, and my dad has his reasons for me not taking it.
3) Architecture - I love designing houses, but I can't draw to save my life.
So I was really undecided, and just went with what my dad adviced me to take - finance. As a practical person that he is, he reasons out that it can present various job opportunities for me and at the same time serve as a personal lesson for me to learn how to manage my own money and investments. Yes, all these are true. I'm actually appreciating being a finance graduate more since I've been looking for possible jobs for me in the future. But I guess the problem is if I'm suited to be in this industry/field.. Now that I'm on my last term, I don't know if it's the incompetent professors I've encountered, or my lack of interest in the course itself, or both, that worries me and my future in finance. I'm just mediocre in what I do, no matter how hard I try (and I really try!), unlike others who make it seem effortless to excel. Maybe I'm not as determined or my brain's too small to retain all the necessary information? And all that scares me! In this increasingly competitive world we live in, what if I don't get a job? What if I get a job but I can't deliver? What if I cant support my family? What if I end up as a disappointment to my parents and my future family? What if I become really unlucky and end up living below average? Such questions have been bothering me, but unlike in previous years, I can't shake them off anymore. I'm graduating in a few months, I'm running out of time to figure things out. I have to deal with this and hope I find the right solution - QUICK!!
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